I didn't shave. On purpose
i would punch a child for taco bell
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
