handjob tips. give me some.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Randomize
