im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize