I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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