mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
