Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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