There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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