The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
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