would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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