New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
