shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
