he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize