I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
