OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
