So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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