i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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