OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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