It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
