she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
