my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sorry about my life...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
