I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize