So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
