Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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