I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
