I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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