I wanna passion pit in your ass
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
