john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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