wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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