his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
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