If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
