woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
