Pappa wants mamma naked
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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