We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My vagina is very pro this idea
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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