please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
