do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
