If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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