Farmville is her only friend.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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