I'm jealous of your bromance
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
