i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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