i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
