I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
