you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
