She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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