I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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