if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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