he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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