Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
