My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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