is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
