Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
