I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
