awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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