is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize