No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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