what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
