smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
