Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
