Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
