Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
As shirtless as possible
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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