bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
