it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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